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The Write Stuff

Take note, brides and grooms: A handwritten thank-you is always in good fashion

BESIDES “I DO,” the two most important words a bride and groom will say throughout their wedding season are “thank you.” From the receiving line to reception toasts, finding just the right words and gestures of gratitude is more than just good etiquette—it sets a positive tone for your new life together.

Regardless of whether you bestow favors or thank guests verbally for their presence and presents, every wedding gift should be acknowledged with a written thank-you note, says San Diego lifestyle and etiquette expert Elaine Swann. Gown styles, flower colors and reception themes may go in and out of fashion, but she says heartfelt and handwritten thank-you notes are always in vogue.

In fact, Swann says it is “absolutely imperative that a thank-you note be sent to everyone who gives a wedding present, including money, and also to attendants, entertainers, suppliers and vendors and those generous folks who transport and host out-of-town guests.”    

This means no preprinted cards, form letters, effusive e-mails or mass “thank you” postings on your wedding Web site. The manners maven adds that not only should gifts be acknowledged by a handwritten note, it should be done pronto.

“Wedding guests may have up to a year after the ceremony to send a gift, but common courtesy calls for brides to respond with a thank-you note within 30 to 60 days,” says Swann, who is also quick to reassure the harried bride that the days when writing thank-you notes fell solely on her lap are long gone. “Today’s brides and grooms share the duties, which helps to reduce the time factor and also makes it much easier to personalize each individual note.”

Be warned, however, that where wedding gifts are concerned, a simple “thanks” just won’t cut the cake. That’s not to say a note has to be stuffy or overly serious. Nor does it have to be a lengthy missive. It should, whenever possible, name the gift and say how you’ll use it.

“There’s no secret recipe for the perfect thank-you note, but the ones guests tend to remember the most offer a personal touch and express genuine feeling,” says Swann.

POWER OF THE PEN

Three sample phrases of appreciation

Thank you for a gift
Dear Uncle Ted and Aunt Meg,
We would like to thank you for the two beautiful sets of Mikasa formal ware. They are absolutely perfect and we’ll use them for entertaining our guests and loved ones for years to come!
Love, Beth and Steve

Thank you for money
Dear Edith,
Thank you for the monetary wedding gift. We are very grateful. We will put this toward saving for the purchase of our very first home!
All our love, Laurie and Simon

Appreciation for presence
Dear Uncle Joe,
We know it was difficult for you to travel such a great distance to be with us on our wedding day. We are so thankful you did. Having you share our special day meant so much to us. We are so glad you came.
Love always, Emily and Seth

— COURTESY OF ELAINE SWANN, AUTHOR, SPEAKER, LIFESTYLE & ETIQUETTE EXPERT

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