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Groom's Day: Creating the Invitation List

A groom's perspective on weddings.

Working on your invitation list can be one of the most stressful things to do when planning a wedding. Just when you think you’ve determined the list, there will be a twist or turn to shake things up.

Here are some tips for creating your list and establishing some guidelines:

1. Venue: Figure out the maximum capacity for your ceremony and reception venues. Do you want to allow for room to expand? Or are you ready to set a limit on the guest list at the time a venue is chosen? Remember, often choosing a venue is the first decision. Also, ask your venue to negotiate on their minimum spend.
2. Size of Wedding: Determine the size of the wedding. Put together a spreadsheet that can be manipulated based on the number of attendees. By performing this exercise, I was able to see the exact number of guests we needed to hit our minimums. Plus, I determined that paying by the drink vs. paying per hour per person is significantly less expensive to the tune of thousands of dollars.
3. Dividing the List: Start by taking the total list number (150) and dividing it among you and your bride. Should it be equally divided? Or skewed? For example, the bride will invite 100 and the groom will invite 50. Then, make your individual lists.
4. A and B List: Mark a “B” next to the guests you think you’d love to invite but can potentially scratch or invite on the second wave of invitations. As you find out who can’t make it, then you can send out an invitation to the B-list member.
5. Presence of Children: Decide early on if you will be inviting children to the wedding. Are there exceptions? Is there a cut-off age when a child either can or can’t come? For example, teenagers will be invited but no children under 12. You might also decide if services will be provided to watch the children if you’re not inviting them, especially if the wedding is a destination.
6. Distant Family Members: Talk to your parents (both sets) and find out if you will need to invite family members with whom you aren’t particularly close.
7. Plus One: Determine with your bride if you will be allowing your single guests to bring a date. What lines will you draw? If you send out invitations months in advance, your single friend might be in a serious relationship. Will you make exceptions?
8. Budget: Once you’ve exceeded your budgeted quantity (which you likely will), you’ll have to start making hard decisions. There is no advice to make here except for using your gut. Should you be celebrating friendships of the past or new friendships? It’s a very hard decision to make and you might lose a friend along the way.

Whatever happens during the invitation list process, remember not to let this affect your relationship with your bride or your family. You will not be able to please everyone unless money is no object and your venue has an unlimited capacity. This is your day, so establish early guidelines for deciding where you will draw the line on issues like children or distant family members.

If about 30 percent of your initial A-list cannot attend, you’ll be able to extend another round of invitations to the B-list and, hopefully, everyone will be happy.

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