Email  Print  Feed

Bickering Over the Budget?

The date is set, the to-do list needs to get done, but you two can’t seem to get past the budget. Every time the wedding topic comes up, you cringe inside, knowing you’ll most likely start to bicker again. No matter how you try to come up with a compromise, you can’t seem to find a solution. Does this sound familiar?  Bickering over the budget is a common issue for couples planning on tying the knot. A wedding is not a cheap event; thousands of dollars are spent on food, an outfit you wear once, centerpieces and more. The list can be endless, and the dollar amount can get very scary.

 

Tips on how to stop the bickering and get through the planning on an even note:

Determine the Amount
Before you dive into the budget and begin to meet with vendors, determine where the money is coming from. Are you family members contributing, or are you two paying for the entire wedding by yourself? If you are getting assistance from family members, clarify with them the amount they will be putting into the wedding. If you will be paying for the event on your own, determine what you will comfortably be able to afford.

Discuss Your Visions
You might have a different vision of the wedding than your partner’s vision. Take turns discussing what you want, don’t want or can’t live without. Take 10 minutes each to share your vision. Show interest in your partner’s ideas, and find appreciation for the input.

Create a Clear Spreadsheet
Once you have the amount you will be working with, stay with that number, and don’t try to get the number to magically change. Use a spreadsheet so you both can be clear on how much money is put toward each category. Once the number is written down, try to stick with that amount. If you have concerns, revisit the spreadsheet as a team and discuss alternatives.

Do Your Research
Get educated on how much certain items will cost, where you can cut corners and what items you can’t live without. Do research on the prices together so you both will be equally informed on the amount of money it will cost.

Be Realistic
Be realistic on the amount you can comfortably afford. If you can’t afford a $5,000 dress, don’t step into the expensive stores or try on the $5,000 dress. Avoid looking at what you can’t afford, and keep focused on what fits in your budget. Don’t expect your partner to agree with 100 percent of everything you want. Be flexible on your requests, and remember that this is your partner’s wedding as well.

Disagree with Love
If you and your partner don’t agree on how the money will be spent or what you’ll have in the wedding, calm your nerves and share your view with love. Disagree with kindness, and show your partner that you care about finding a middle ground for the two of you. If all else fails and you two can’t make a decision, draw straws or flip a coin!

Pick Your Battles
If you’re bickering over the budget because you want one style of an invitation and your groom wants another style, determine how important it is to you. Write a list of your “must-haves” for the wedding, and if the bickering falls outside of this list, then evaluate if this is a fight worth having. It probably isn’t, if it didn’t make it to your “must-have” list. Pick your battles wisely; most times, it isn’t worth getting into a large fight.

Have Fun!
You only get married once, so have fun planning the wedding and spending the money! Don’t let the money issue drive a wedge between you two. Instead, have fun, be playful when discussing the budget, and be creative on how to cut corners.

Jennine E. Estes is a marriage and family therapist (MFC#47653) with a private practice in San Diego. Learn more about Jennine at Estes Therapy or visit her relationship column, Relationships in the Raw.
 

Do you like what you read? Purchase Exquisite Weddings Magazine »