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A Lifetime of Love

IT’S HARD NOT TO NOTICE the slightly devilish smile and look of satisfaction in Ken Charles’ eyes. When I met him at his 90th birthday party in October 2007, I certainly noticed the laughter in his eyes, and I wanted to learn the story behind such joy. And so I was quite grateful when he and his wife, Jean—who recently celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary—agreed to sit down with me for a chat.

Ken and Jean were set up on a blind date by Ken’s aunt in 1943 while Ken, a Marine pilot at the time, was on a leave from the war. Jean was a beautiful lady, “a looker,” he says, with nice manners and a great smile. Jean, who still flashes that smile freely, also remembers the immediate attraction. “He was so handsome and I really fell for the uniform,” she says. With a mischievous look, Ken agrees. “I was a stud!” he says, which causes an eruption of laughter—a reaction Ken commonly draws out of people—as well as a little blush from Jean. As they began their stories of dating, adventure, travel and family, it is clear that the care, respect and love they found in the early 1940s is still just as strong more than six decades later.

After a few years of dating, Ken bought two diamonds, which he had set into a ring to propose to Jean and then carried around for quite some time. Then, without much fanfare, one day he proposed to her. Still, they both agree that the memory of that one day is not nearly as important as all of their days together.

Talking to Ken and Jean it is clear that friends and family have played an integral part in their life together. In fact, when giving advice for a good life, Ken says, “Have great friends. And don’t be too quick to judge people; give them time.” And when telling about their life, many stories return to their friends and family, including their four children, eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren (with two more on the way). Memories of the people who have helped make up their blessed years stray from many parties and gatherings to their favorite trip (when they sailed around the Tonga Islands with another couple).

Also integral to their happy life together is that they have stayed active with both hobbies and physical feats. Their favorites include season tickets to the Chargers—which they had for 35 years—as well as the perhaps surprising pastime of poker. “Yes, we both loved playing poker for money,” says Ken. “One time we won the pot and took a trip to Arizona!” They also went waterskiing regularly, which Ken kept up until he was 75, and downhill skiing, which he stopped doing only eight years ago.

With such a rich and fulfilling life, perhaps it’s not surprising that after 61 years of marriage, Jean still hangs on Ken’s every word, and the joy the two find in each other is palpable as they build on each other’s stories and frequently smile at each other. Still, in the presence of such a lifetime of love, it’s hard not to ask, “What is the secret of your happy marriage?” Jean quickly responds that it is very important that you have your own interests and opinions. Ken agrees and adds that it has to be an equal partnership. “It always has to be 50/50,” he says. “As soon as it goes to 70/30 or 60/40, you are in trouble.” On finding that kind of bond for yourself, Ken’s guidance is deceptively simple. “Find genuine real love,” he says. “Nothing artificial.”

As for what advice Ken would give me after 90 years of life and 61 years of marriage: “Jean, write this down for her: health, happiness and good friends,” he says.

I have been carrying around that message ever since.

 

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