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Before The Wedding

Preparing for a Fulfilling Marriage

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PLANNING FOR A MEMORABLE WEDDING is much different than planning for a lasting marriage, an important reality that can get lost in the flurry of wedding preparations. After all, no matter how enchanting the celebration, a fulfilling marriage is the ultimate goal. The most solid preparation takes into consideration emotional reflection, as well as financial and legal planning. To get off on the right foot, San Diego experts offer advice about what you can do now to ensure future wedded bliss.

Emotional Preparation

Whether you approach marriage as a dewy-eyed idealist or a hardened realist, keep in mind that happy marriages don’t often last by accident. “During the engagement, it’s easy to get caught up in all of the details of wedding preparations,” says Dr. Natalie Masson, a San Diego clinical psychologist. “But sometimes that can take away from really focusing on what marriage means to that couple.”

To help keep your focus, Masson recommends a pre-marriage discussion about the transition from single to married life. “[Acknowledge] the parts of pre-married life that might be falling by the wayside,” Masson says. “It’s important that it not feel like a criticism of marriage, but anatural process of growing.” Communicating these changes cements the fact that you and your spouse are experiencing this together, she adds. And articulating these changes—whether positive, humorous or troublesome—strengthens that bond.

Premarital counseling, Masson suggests, is one way to prevent problems because you can discuss different expectations. Couples may also commit to periodic couple’s therapy sessions to fine-tune their relationship. Consulting with a marriage counselor as preventive maintenance can help a couple address potentially problematic issues early on, before they become major sources of conflict, Masson says.

“For example, if there is an ongoing disagreement about something like household chores or parenting duties, cycles of complaining, nagging or repressing frustration can build over time,” she says. “Good counseling can help resolve the issue before deep resentments build.”

Sessions can also hone a couple’s communication skills, deepen their understanding of each other and clarify goals and intentions in the partnership, Masson says.

“Just as individuals can change their focus along their life path, couples are bound to shift their direction over time, especially with the onset of new events such as moving, changing jobs or having children,” Masson says. “Using good communication skills and setting aside time to explore the partnership can keep a couple on a path that is mutually enriching.”

Financial Planning

Combining finances can be a daunting prospect, particularly for those with complex financial situations. But with a little proactive planning, it doesn’t have to be.

Before the big day, every couple should have a heart-to-heart about money and priorities, says Anthony Saffer, a San Diego certified financial planner with Coleman & Johnson Financial Advisors. In this conversation, discuss in detail your expectations and styles of spending, saving and investing.

“It comes down to a mutual understanding of each other,” Saffer says, “knowing that you’re coming from different backgrounds and have different ways of doing things, and that different experiences may have shaped our lives. It’s not unusual to have one spender and one saver in the family, or one who is good with a budget.”

With priorities and expectations in place, you’re ready to develop a rough budget that addresses what and how the family’s income is spent, how much will be saved and how much will be donated.

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